[Updated - Wednesday, December 23, 2009]
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Lyrics of the update:
Why don't you go on to kiss the ring
On the finger of the hand
Which turned your existence to hell?
You let it go as if you know you are alone
You always under-rate your ability
To change this state of mind...
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Progress Report:
I'm not very goddamn happy right now. Anyways, i'm putting the character drawing on pause for a while. I've lost my resolve to finish them all. And i'm so goddamn nervous right now it's not even funny. Not nervous per-se. Like, angry. "And through his laughter, he quaked with anger..." That's me right now. I'm just like... Angry. So it's making me not want to do anything, especially not draw anything. But I do have to have a drawing of Haru (A good one, pretty much all of them suck) for a roleplay I decided to join. Only problem is that the roleplay is full of all of these illiterate idiots (pardon my name calling, i'm angry) and i'm a literate roleplayer. No one word, one sentence posts. One to two paragraphs is my normal. And that's what i'm going to post.
Funny thing about Haru. He's very feminine and all, and kind of bisexual I guess, though he leans more on the "I like boys" side. And this roleplay is a school roleplay, so his classmates will undoubtedly make fun of him for it. But what they don't know is that he's frikin STRONG as fuck, so he'll totally kick some ass. Actually, Haru doesn't even know he's as strong as he is. He was a human, but he got changed into a vampyre halfling a little while back. And he has yet to go into his first bloodlust, which most of us know to be the strongest one. So we'll see what happens. But anyways, yeah, expect to see another drawing if him pop up in the future. He did get turned back into a HE too (for those of you that know the story behind him being turned into a girl). xD I'm going to give him a new outfit for this roleplay as well, because his current one isn't exactly "School appropriate" with it's shirtlessness and major showing off of the lower half of his body... I'll probably make something boyish but really cute at the same time. >.> Something... Something UKE. xD Also, i'm still keeping my lists below: I'm pausing the character drawing, but not indefinately.
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Finished: Jousei Sakurai, Kyosuke Arakawa, Takeshi Havok, Lika Havok I (the first, there's two), Mushi Suzuki, Takeshi Suzuki, Tetsuhoshi Mizuki, Tetsunosuke Tadashii, and Takara Korigatou.
Next: Junigatsu [Fuyu] Himitsu, Taisetsu Awaresa, Hitomi Amafuji, Lika Havok II, Takata Korigatou, Akihiro Yamazaki, Phoenix Misaki, and Cipher Shirodaira.
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Life Updates:
The teachers liked what I got them, which was sets of Expo markers and some cleaner. At least I know those are gonna get used! Plus the whiteboards they have aren't actual whiteboards. They're showerboard, which is different from a whiteboard so the marker doesn't erase like it's supposed to. I know they needed some new markers (they always need them) because they all have to share one set. ONE set for ALL of the staff in the building (talk about CHEAP)! So, I bought them ALL their own individual sets, even if I didn't currently have them as teachers (I will when the next set of classes begins in January). PG said I was awesome~ Kinda made my day... I guess I crave approval too much. o_o;
Anyway, I noticed something. The closer certain people get to me, the more unstable I become. Like, for instance, I started typing this al angry-like, and then once this person got away from me and went into the other room, I felt fine. (Though that anger is slowly seeping back because she came back into the same room with me again. Such a fucking idiot she is...) The same thing with this guy that i'm supposedly "with". He just gets near me and I start getting real depressed, and what makes it worse is that most of the time he doesn't even notice it. I'm not saying i'm like that all the time around him, but I am a lot, and he seldomly ever notices my change in body language. Hell, I notice it before anyone else does, which is really sad because most people can't tell anything about their own body language. That's undoubtely because I can't seem to forgive him for the things he did in the past. I can't trust him. I mean, i'm trying to, but it's damn near IMPOSSIBLE when he does some of the things he does.
Well, here comes the tangent on him. As usual. For those who're reading all this nonsense and don't know, he goes to school out-of-state (he transferred). I was kind of upset when he left, but I can respect that he's going to do something good for himself (for once). So then he gets there, calls me a while after he's been there, and basically lets me have it about how horrible I am and all this other nonsense and tells me that he wants nothing to do with me. Then, a month or two after that, I find out he's been talking to my friend and is taking her to some recruitment place to get her to sign up and go there with him. Well, we're not really an item or anything at this point (believe me, he really let me know that), but it just so happened that the weekend she was supposed to do this, she was staying at my place. So naturally, that meant she wanted me to go with them, and she made damn sure that I was going to. So I did. Turns out HE wasn't taking her, his mom was taking THEM. I mean, I could've drove and nothing would have happened, but NO. No, she dropped us and left. LEFT. (Can you tell I don't like her? I don't because of the poor decisions she makes. I used to, until I got to know her. Now I find her to be quite far below myself, myself being morally and intellectually superior to her.) So, then we're stranded in the heart of Columbus (I live a ways away from Colubus, Ohio). Long story short, he starts cating like suddenly he wants to get back with me. The only question in my mind is, "WHY?" So anyways, after a while, I reluctantly agree. Emphasis on the reluctatncy. But you know what? I haven't seen him at all since that day, and he's been back here in Columbus going on the fourth time now.
He's here now. He's been here since last friday, and I haven't heard so much as a phone call. I got one PM from him on Gaia that consisted of about six words and wasn't relevant to any important topic. You're probably thinking, "Well why don't you pick p the phone and call him?" Yeah. About that. He has his own cellphone, but (1) I don't know it's number, and (2) almost every time I call it's always a bad time. I really despise phones anyways. I never know when a good time is, I never know where he is or what he's doing, and every time I call, he seems to think he's in trouble for something. As if I found out something that I wasn't supposed to know. And usually, his mom's phone is his phone. You think I want to call THAT? HELL to the NO. I would kill myself first. It's easier for him to call/contact me. Because he knows that i'll almost always pick up, and if I don't, I'll call back or text back when I get a chance. He always knows where I am because i'm always in the same places, and if I go anywhere different, I usually tell him. He always knows what i'm doing because it's never anything important, and I always have time. But he doesn't always have time, and he's NEVER in the same place. So, why do I not pick up the phone and call him myself? Because it's impossible to do so. There's that question answered.
I think I should leave him. That's what everyone tells me I should do. Perhaps I make him look like the bad guy a little, but if he didn't act like one then I wouldn't feel like he is one. He ignores me until it's convenient for him not to, or at least it sure as hell looks that way. He seems to treat me like i'm nothing. And you know what the worst part is? If I left him, he wouldn't care at all. It would make no difference to him. If the reverse happened, I'd be sure as hell upset and everything. But it would change nothing for him. Isn't that horrible?
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You can reach me elsewhere at
GaiaOnline: Shiro-Jin
SheezyArt: Shiro Jin (without the hyphen)
E-mail/Messenger: Sami_Ylonen@msn.com (compatible with Yahoo! Messenger)
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~Shiro-Jin Havok